The process is a little mysterious, especially to us women as we have no way of understanding male sexual energy. Wes says it is a very personal journey that men must make on their own. One clue is to find out how the pelvic muscles work and strengthen them with an energy moving ‘form’ like qi gong, ashtanga yoga or pilates.

Wes does not climax in an ejaculatory sense. From the outside it seems like energy is built and built until it wants to be expelled from the body, then it is sent up the spine instead of out the end of the penis. There are a few techniques you can use for this, which eventually fall away with practise as more control is gained. Tantra has a few techniques but for beginners, try the majic spot. Half way between the scrotum and anus is an acupunture point which will stop ejaculation. When using this spot, it is important to massage the entire area after ejaculation is halted to avoid accumulation of qi.

I think we are at a stage along a path that many tantrikas have probably passed through before now. It seems to me that we have exchanged male orgasm for female orgasm. Wes has become so sensitive to energy, he can now enjoy my orgasmic release; he says more than he used to enjoy his own. I feel however, there is a kind of addiction to my release which brings an end to the intense interplay of energies which our love-making has become. When I do orgasm we are both satisfied but a little relieved that we don’t have to continue holding the incredible amount of energy we have built, nor succumb to the increased intimacy that is required. I think next is for me to stop ending the interplay by climaxing but to continue, like he does, building and sending energy up the spine.

It’s a process which will probably last our lifetime but I have to say, it’s never boring.

But what’s in it for hubby? I’m sure the mention of with-holding ejaculation is enough to make most men run in the other direction..fast! Perhaps if you tell him the benefits he’ll be more interested:

INCREASED ENERGY AND HEALTH
One ejaculation is enough to double the population of the earth, how much energy is being lost every day? Imagine if you could conserve it?

MAINTAINING YOUTH AND LONGER LIFE
Not losing Jing every day. (Jing is the mysterious essense of humans which is lost in male ejaculation and female birthing and miscarraige. Run out of Jing and your life is over.)

MORE CONTROL OVER EMOTIONS AND DAMAGING HABITS

MORE SENSITIVITY TO ENERGY
Especially of partner, which leads to more pleasure and helps him avoid chaotic emotional interplay as he can catch you before you blow up (know what I mean?). This helps in many aspects of his life.

LESS BABIES
Control over fertility is a big bonus. And when you do want a child his or her life force will be stronger for the concentrated energy of the with-held and accumulated energy.

PROLONG LOVE MAKING FOR AS LONG AS YOU LIKE

HAPPIER PARTNER
As he gets more controlled he also gets more subtle and can feel your needs even before you do and you’ll feel safer to expand your awareness into other realms as you make love for you’ll not need to keep him in check. Observing and becoming the pleasure of a woman is far more satisfying and strengthening to the masculine than succumbing to his own pleasure. If only more men understood this very amazing fact. The former leads to death, the latter leads to more life: not in the form of another human but more life for you both: literally.

I’ll ask Robyn what she thinks of joining when I see her again next Friday.

As for the pill. Have you explored the idea of hubby stopping ejaculation until he’s ready to have a baby? There are a few masters who teach it. Mantak Chia is the most famous. It could take may months to train the body to recycle the energy and stop ejaculation but it’s well worth it for your piece of mind, for hubby’s strength, and when baby does come, it will be all the stronger for it.

Of course, getting to know your own cycle will help. Honouring Your Cycles by Katie Singer, is a good book to start with.

We have practiced this type of contraception for years now. No more babies. And when we do finally decide to go again, the baby will be that much stronger for Wes not wasting his sperm.